I don't know, maybe it's because I am becoming more diligent to blog these days as slow as it's been to conquer everything and still get to blog a bit.
Lately I'm not just redoing cosmetically all my sites and compressing my niches but also facing head on what God has used to bring me to this place.
I mostly embrace what He's done and is doing but it can be kind of like, "can I quit now for awhile, daddy. It hurts reliving some of this sometimes".
Something that has happened in this journey is also that my Father has so enlarged my heart that sometimes I feel intense pain for others I love when they struggle and are so wronged by the so-called Body of Christ.
I full well know I can't fix them or things but I can lay them in His arms in prayer and intercession.
I remember like it was yesterday when I first came to the U.S. from Israel with my children, given a new identity and protection (as little as that turned out to be) from the islamic onslaught my converted husband brought upon me and my family.
Most people then didn't even comprehend what it means to have your life threatened if you didn't convert to islam. With the world today and our present administration, I doubt I'd be in the U.S. let alone get any protection or a new identity.
I found a used book by Doris Ruscoe on the life of Rees Howells and bought a shoe box of candles from a 2nd hand store, St Vincent de Paul for 50 cents. My life was so transformed by Christ. Who would have thought. I'd never read the Bible in my life but no matter to God.
The rest of my family hadn't followed me yet and I felt very alone.
I had nothing and very little money.
Somehow (we know it was God's plan) I was drawn to Y'shua, the Christ Jesus.
I remember putting my kids to bed, covering them with every available blanket I had. (it was so cold) and turning the oven on to keep warm.
I had this big picture window and a table in front of it. I lit a whole bunch of candles and sat there reading and praying every night after the kids were asleep. (Yes, I found a Bible that was free too :)
I wept intensly night after night begging God to help me connect with the right people. I knew inside of me there had to be people who could help me but where were they!
God had to have them out there somewhere!
Why do I think of this stuff tonight and why am I writing about it.
I have friends who like me and just in different circumstances that know God brought them to where they are for a reason and know He has people out there to come along side of them but where are they!
One of them asked me to read Zechariah 4 (which I posted below) I will be spending some time on this for awhile. I don't think this is just for a few of us and even for the trials my sister is currently facing, she will find Truth clear into Chapter 5 and beyond.
Things have been tough for many of us financially and otherwise but as I reflect it is more than clear, God has brought me/others farther than I/we would have ever been able to imagine.
For me it's been 30 years of growing and growing that becomes obvious if I but look to Him!
Zechariah 4
Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)
4 Then the angel that had been speaking with me returned and roused me, as if he were waking someone up from being asleep, 2 and asked me, “What do you see?” I answered, “I’ve been looking at a menorah; it’s all of gold, with a bowl at its top, seven lamps on it, and seven tubes leading to the lamps at its top. 3 Next to it are two olive trees, one on the right side of the bowl and the other on its left.” 4 I then asked the angel speaking with me, “What are these, my Lord?” The angel speaking with me said, 5 “Don’t you know what these are?” I said, “No, my Lord.” 6 Then he answered me, “This is the word of Adonai to Z’rubavel: ‘Not by force, and not by power, but by my Spirit,’ says Adonai-Tzva’ot. 7 ‘What
are you, you big mountain? Before Z’rubavel you will become a plain;
and he will put the capstone in place, as everyone shouts, “It’s
beautiful! Beautiful!”’ 8 This message from Adonai came to me: 9 ‘The hands of Z’rubavel have laid the foundation of this house, and his hands will also finish it.’ Then you will know that Adonai-Tzva’ot sent me to you. 10 For
even someone who doesn’t think much of a day when such minor events
take place will rejoice at seeing the plumbline in the hand of
Z’rubavel. So these seven are the eyes of Adonai that range about over all the earth.”
11 I replied by asking him, “What are those two olive trees on the right and left sides of the menorah?” 12 Then
I asked the question again: “What are those two olive branches
discharging gold[-colored oil] through the two gold spouts?” 13 He replied, “Don’t you know what they are?” I answered, “No, my Lord.” 14 He said, “Those are the two who have been anointed with oil; they are standing with the Lord of all the land.”
